Epilog Pejuang

That night when they held our hands And they asked if we were okay Bcoz we seemed a little bit too quiet We nod our head We smiled And we gently squeezed their hand As we hid all our fears We didn't want to let go But we knew we will have to Very soon We were so afraid We were so worried If they would leave us again In silence We made them promise Not to ghost us again As soon as they left We cried and cried and cried We never want to relive Those dreadful moments Of consciously letting someone Slip off our grip And drift away  And we trusted them We foolishly trusted them We thought they would stay True to their words  We thought they will not Turn their backs to us We held onto their words But only to be abandoned Again

If you find yourself thinking of running back into their embrace When you find yourself Looking into their direction  Remember the moments when they started playing with fire then left you alone to extinguish it Remember the days when they saw you struggle to stand but chose to keep their distance Remember the nights when they peacefully slept while you drown in your own tears Remember that In actuality  They were never Really there for you

 It's always that one thing We try to ignore and Conciously suppress - That comes Conquering our nights Becoming alive in our dreams When our subconscious minds Takes over We saw and felt In our dreams  That one day We happen to reunite Our faces beaming up with smiles As we stare into each other's eyes Across the space Hundreds of people around Walking and passing by As our time Comes to a pause Quicken our nervous steps To lessen the distance between us And we both come to a complete halt As soon as we stood In front of each other They whispered out our name We just smiled in response  Holding ourself so hard Resisting From running into their arms "How are you?" They asked, Their hand reaching out for our arm Crystal tears pooled up our eyes "I'm good. Thank you for coming" We whispered Giving out a little chuckle  Trying to hide our trembling voice But they always hear beyond the depth of our voice They briefly brushed their fingers against ours Befor...

This life This painful life Isn't where you want to be How do you leave How do you escape How do you free yourself You want to scream You want to fight You want to cry You want to talk But no words Literally, no words could fairly describe the chaos and the pain and the suffocation bottling inside of you Yes I have Trust issues  Attachment disorders  Huge, messy, self-centered emotions Until today, I still refuse to believe in this crap "No matter what happens, I'll be here for you"

 My previous life It was filled with silence and dismissal Ignored and disappeared on For hours Days Weeks Months In my previous life I was often left alone in the dark With no answers nor explanation On what was really going on In my previous life My voice meant nothing Up to a point where Speechless Becomes Hopeless And somewhere along the way That life of silence turned into a life of lies If silence could kill I would have died Many,  many times Already So listen, I certainly don't need Another lifetime of ghosting and stonewalling So Talk to me Or get lost

 Trying to make sense of the things that had happened Was one thing And trying to embrace and accept all the things that had happened Was another  "... Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe’, and will not be tested? ..." (Al-Ankabut 29:2) People ignore us, to the extent that we started to lose our trust in others; People hurt us, to the extent that we started to question our self-worth; People abandoned us, to the extent that we started to wonder if we actually deserve love and happiness. "Allah does not burden a person with something more than he can bear" (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:286) Little did we know That Allah sent us those people Into our lives To actually remind us That He is there He controls very single thing that happens, He holds the hearts of all those who drops by into our life; To actually show us That we are worthy of better Than those who had come before them Than those who had treated us a little less That is okay fo...